Thursday, May 01, 2008

Wldnt it B gr8 tho yeh? If der wur like load of Asian babez and dat in the FHM poll to wank over cuz desi babes is Fit hunneyz innit

I realise of course that this sort of inane shit is only going to add further publicity to some shitehawk writer eager to release another snoozesome collection of pisspoor cuurrrrrrrrrrazzzy reminiscences about comedy parents and sub-Carrie Bradshaw witterings (fucking A, Countdown AND My Family), but it can't be helped. Well done, I've bitten.

First, an anecdote from that bastion of insight into modern gender politics, Mid Week with Libby Purves. Interviewing guest Sofia Hayat about how she escaped the strictures of a corner-shop running Pakistani family who wanted her to become a Doctor to pursue her dream of being a minor-league titjiggler on Zee Tv, Purves remarks that "it's quite strange really, isn't it, as most western working class families it would be the other way round with you having to struggle to want to be allowed to study medicine and being expected to take higher-paying work". Hayat pauses. To date, la Hayats' achievements are listed as having been a written a song for Pakistani earthquake victims (see? she cares) and killing off her Bollywood film career after turning up to a film premiere with her arse hanging out of her dress (pointedly omitted from her website).

Is De$i bebes Sexy? Or Not Sexy? Forfuckzake, "sexy" has become the most overrused adjective in Bollywood. Everyone does a sexy now (gone is the Barbara Windsor sweet-natured strumpetry of old), the industry having recently re-located its' clitoris. Witness kiddy singing contest Sa Re Ga Ma Pa Lil' Champs where the contestants (genuinely gruesome) were singing the usual racy ditties about wanning yer baaaadddies and parrrrrtying being commended by various judges as "you are so SEXXXYYYY!!!!" UGH.

No, there is no shortage of generically fair skinned supamoddul body-fascist (privately educated, plastic surgeried, wheatish, upper caste, wealthy, tediously smug ) hunneyz to induce tumescence in the spunk-flecked chuddies of herds of unmarried men across the subcontinent. As a recent article on Indian Independence noted, films seem to have got more explicit (or bold as the Indian press put it) as women in the population seem to have declined.

Less an appreciation of wimmin being 'sexually visible', as CiF would have it, more a tantalasing glimpse of an increasingly rare commodity.

This desperate need for approval from FHM readers though, doesn't it smack of servility?
"See??!!?! We asians babes can B sexy too! aren't we special!!!!!!! seeeeeee?"

And just look at the resounding response:
"Personally I find Thai women some of the most beautiful in the world. "
"So graceful, so dignified" (translation: "Uggghhh, Uggghh! Give me purity! GIVE IT TO ME!!! Not like those ugly gobby demanding dirty white women!!!")

"Ok, since I am a connoisseur of Asian women, here is the most objective report you will ever read on the planet.

1. Korean Women - when they are good looking, then they are stunning. Downside is that they can be very materialistic.
2. Burmese Women - this is one notch up from Thai. Hate to be judgemental, because I love all women, but Burmese have the edge.
3. Indian Women - for humour, the women from Mumbai are hard to beat. For looks Dehli has the edge.
4. Pakistani Women - Lahore is the great gene pool of the world, where Greek mixes with Indian, Saka Iranian and Chinese. Beautiful women with blue and green eyes.
5. Malay, Indonesia and Pinoy - more or less the same people. Warm, cuddly, great sense of humour. Downside ... sometimes magnificently crazy. Love the women of the
Philippines, especially Cebu, but occasionally they verge towards soap opera psychotic.
6. Chinese - personally I love the Taiwanese and Hong Kong ladies - great characters. Singaporeans are great lookers, but again very materialistic. Also like the women from Beijing and Chengdu ... but Shanghai women .. they just scare me. Great lookers, but they devour men.
7. Japanese women - various layers waiting to be discovered.
8. And finally what about the Iranians ... if we are to include them as part of Asia. Such beautiful eyes ... "

(Translation: See earlier post on Dan Cruikshank)

Please note, the flipside to all this wanking over the alleged charms of females of South Asian is usually scorn - if not open contempt - for the percieved lack of hunnyness amongst females from europe/ america, in particular the barbed comments about british (white) women. Seems the commenters of CiF cannot quite bring themselves to jism over the merits of many African women either. I'm sure Rosa Parks would be disappointed if she was here.

Still, I'm sure that this could be a useful ploy to target the endemic infanticide in the sub-continent.

Hey, don't put that salt in your young daughters' mouth, just think, one day she could have some cunt in London making weak puns about her being really spicy and hotter than a vindaloo. Wouldn't you want that?

And then they wonder why more British Muslim women are choosing to wear the Hijab.

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